DISAPPOINTMENT
I want to know the mother who struggled to bear me from the womb to this fucking disgusting planet. I want to know the father who probably doesn't know I exist. I want to know who my family is. My biological family. Blood. Genes. The lot of it.
And people wonder why I can't concentrate.
People wonder why I'm so fucking crazy.
I don't know who I am and from whence I came. I don't know the fucking psycho genes I have.
I don't know who I am and from whence I came. I don't know the fucking psycho genes I have.
I don't know anything anymore.
All I know is that I'm unhappy. And maybe I do have RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder).
Or maybe I'm just tired of caring. Yeah. Maybe I'm just tired of caring.
I'm even pissed at the man whom I love because he's being an asshole reacting negatively to my incessant whining which I really can't seem to help. I know I need an attitude adjustment. I look forward to hopefully getting some meds for this shit.
I can't handle it.
I'm tired of being ignored. I'm tired of this fucking, goddamn paper, and I'm tired of being HERE doing THIS SHIT.
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We can work together to find your real parents if u want! :).. I would ask if we could talk, so u can elaborate all of this for me, but I don't want to make things harder. You can do it, Rach! I believe in you.
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be a journey I do alone, mostly; but, I appreciate the kind offer. There's a lot of rigmarole that has to be worked through. Plus, who knows? It's completely possible my birth mom wants nothing to do with me. Ah well. Thanks for the positive statements, Nneka. <3
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